Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
