he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
