it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
