"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
two words: eviction party
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
40s are totally the cure
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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