Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
