Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
