Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
