the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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