just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
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can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
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the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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