Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
