you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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