is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
