I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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