I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
