she looked like the bat from fern gully.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
love makes seman taste better
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Randomize
