Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Randomize
