Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Randomize
