hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
