i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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