chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
