I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
