just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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