I think my fart just growled at me.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
