Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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