D3 body, D1 cock
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
