My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
