Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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