My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Sober January is a disaster.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
