Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
