I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Randomize