Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
