In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
