I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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