evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
