the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
