well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
