The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
