I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
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I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
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It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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