he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
