You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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