Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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