I got chris browned last night
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Randomize
