this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
