Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
