I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
