The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
she told me i tasted like america
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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