This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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