it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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