Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
