Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
