You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
