At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
