I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
