I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
