I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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