If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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