Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
