is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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