i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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