I love black thongs
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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