Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
