My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
