I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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