If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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