Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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