Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
