I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
