I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
