I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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