I should be sponsored by Trojan
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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