If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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