my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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