Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
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I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
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Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.