Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast