We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
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well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
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We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.