Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
