Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Randomize
