i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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