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i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Randomize
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