Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(631): View more from New York

So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.

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(631): So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that. http://tfl.nu/a0qi

Replies (11) Good night (3726) Bad night (1221)
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(317): View more from Indiana

Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?

(812): View more from Indiana

You're dead to me.

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(317): Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up? (812): You're dead to me. http://tfl.nu/331c

Replies (48) Good night (9177) Bad night (1181)
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(650): View more from California

after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you

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(650): after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you http://tfl.nu/blf7

Replies (38) Good night (10055) Bad night (837)
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(702): View more from Nevada

Then she called me a home wrecking whore.

(1-702): View more from Nevada

dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.

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(702): Then she called me a home wrecking whore. (1-702): dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count. http://tfl.nu/bp07

Replies (15) Good night (6115) Bad night (1289)
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(443): View more from Maryland

I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.

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(443): I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval. http://tfl.nu/2acf

Replies (16) Good night (6621) Bad night (1163)
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(248): View more from Michigan

Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....

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(248): Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs.... http://tfl.nu/1yzr

Replies (19) Good night (2937) Bad night (1210)
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(217): View more from Illinois

Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.

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(217): Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b. http://tfl.nu/ryd7

Replies (5) Good night (793) Bad night (2265)
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(330): View more from Ohio

shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.

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(330): shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon. http://tfl.nu/iapt

Replies (6) Good night (1429) Bad night (634)
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(309): View more from Illinois

Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.

(1-309): View more from Illinois

I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.

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(309): Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment. (1-309): I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college. http://tfl.nu/zbsh

Replies (7) Good night (1313) Bad night (661)
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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?

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(814): We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest? http://tfl.nu/lgnx

Replies (3) Good night (1207) Bad night (553)
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(860): View more from Connecticut

Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.

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(860): Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves. http://tfl.nu/jaio

Replies (1) Good night (632) Bad night (403)
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(417): View more from Missouri

I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.

(309): View more from Illinois

You rock my world.

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(417): I just smoked weed out of a baked potato. (309): You rock my world. http://tfl.nu/p2ud

Replies (4) Good night (1044) Bad night (556)
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(218): View more from Minnesota

We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.

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(218): We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened. http://tfl.nu/ouo9

Replies (4) Good night (1217) Bad night (364)
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(732): View more from New Jersey

I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.

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(732): I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already. http://tfl.nu/laji

Replies (2) Good night (574) Bad night (294)
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(616): View more from Michigan

He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.

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(616): He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina. http://tfl.nu/qmnu

Replies (9) Good night (899) Bad night (349)

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