His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
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