I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
