Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
