omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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