....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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